Inda: March 7 and 14

Two Weeks in March with Second Grade Only

Well, loads of complications—a Black History Program bumped third grade on the 7th, and then I had a family emergency that bumped me out of St. Louis in the 12th (a date which we had arranged to accommodate the mock MAP testing later in the week. Alas, I miss third grade! And now it’s Spring Break and I won’t be back at Gundlach until the first week of April.

On the other hand, these two weeks gave me some time to tidy the room some and focus on the second graders. In general, I feel that the first hour kids are coming along better than first semester – more focused, doing better work. I still see behavior issues with R (gross motor control, mostly), but in general I shrank our period down to 45 minutes from an hour, I get RIGHT TO WORK when we enter the room (minimal chit-chat), and keep them on task rather than allow much wiggle room. They are much happier and controlled. Perhaps all of this results from all the hard work MC does in the classroom, too. A new boy came into class this last week, another R., who is clearly capable of excellent work.

MARCH 7, First Hour

We wrote our thank-you notes to Mr. Cloud. It was a nice long writing time, nice and quiet. After writing they got to go over to the poster I had made of photos of the visit with the karate master. On a separate poster they wrote down any words they had retained form the visit. Here are a couple of sampled from the thank-yous:

Dear Mr. Cloud,
Thank you for teaching us not to fight use pressure points and telling us not to use drugs. and I am sorry that your fritns died Your student DJ

Dear Mr. Cloud,
Thank you for being nice to us and telling us about your life. And I remember you told us that your friend was on drugs and he thought can fly then he jumped off a building then he hit his head on the ground and his head got flat then he died in your hand.
From: your student J

Dear Mr. Cloud,
I want to thank you for teaching us a little bit of karate and a lot of other things like the windshield wipers and pushing pressure [pressure points].
Love, M

Dear Mr. Cloud,
Thank you for coming last week. Karate is really tight. Do you have a black belt? I is very sad that your friend died. And karate is a great sport!
From: R

March 7, Second Hour
This group also wrote thank-you notes. Adorable ones:

Dear Mr. Cloud,
Mr. Cloud, I’m sorry about what happened to your mother and father. But what you did to Christopher with two fingers was amazing. So see you when I see you.
Love, JM

Dear Mr. Cloud,
First, the good thing was when you told us about your first time at karate.
Next, I liked when you told us about the men that didn’t brush their teeth.
Then, the sad part of your story was when your mom died. See you!
Love,
ML

[I pointed this note out to the classroom teacher, T, because I was so impressed by the ordered arrangement of points guiding the flow. She was happy to see that “something sticks” from all the work she does.]

Dear Mr. Cloud,
I’ve been enjoying you when you have come no one ever besides my mother stop their job just for me. That is so charming to me. You are a very nice man. I have a question. How did you feel about your mother father dying? Is that breaking your heart to me I think it is so don’t hide nothing from me. I don’t like that you know that’s disrespect to me so adios.
Love, K

Dear Mr. Cloud,
Thank you for showing us the window wiper. The saddest story you told us was when you were three years old you found your mother on the kitchen floor dead. I feel really sorry for her. I like the karate picture.
Your writing student, KW

Dear Mr. Cloud,
Thank you for teaching me that the best fight is no fight.
I am very sorry about your best friend and your mom.
That move you did on me was very cool.
Please write back.
Love, CB

March 14, First Hour

Today the lesson was “WHERE I SLEEP.” Everyone got a piece of plain paper which they folded into a card shape. Then they wrote: WHERE I SLEEP on the front and decorated it. Inside they wrote about the place where they sleep. We discussed adjectives, details, and other elements of interesting writing. Again, this was all in the spirit of “getting right to work,” which helps this group enormously. I placed imaginary quiet writing bubbles over their heads and it worked! Our new bright student really loved this gimmick. He wanted me to put a quiet bubble over myself, too. Later on he asked me to put another bubble over him because he had taken it off. Next time we do this I will put some lined paper inside the card because a few of the student missed the lines and drew them themselves. Some examples:

I have a big blue bed and a blue carpet and a blue pokedoted wall and I had a blue lamp and a dream last night and I had a [Bratz] head and a book shelf and I have a tv.

I sleep in my bed by my own self and I have a brown carpet in my room and I have a white wall. And I have a black bunk bed. And I got a window in room.

I have my own room. My room is big. I have a bookshelf. I have one window. My bed is big. I have a brown sheet. My carpend [carpet] is clean, it’s color is black. My wall are white. I have a DVD player I a Xbox 360 and a Play Stashon Two in my room.

I sleep with my mom sometimes. My wall is green with polkadots. I sleep in my bed. I see out my window. I saw a crime. I feel cozy.

I sleep pull-out couch with my baby bother my covers are bratz. My baby is ten months. I have a dresser TV DVD windows. I see birds and butterfly, and I have a bathroom in my room.

I share a room with my sister and my brother but my brother have his own bed and I sleep in my room and I have white wall and a white door and I have a carpet but my carpet is gray and I vacuum imy carpet and I make up my bed and if I look out the window I will see my backyard. I have a tv with a vcr.

My sheet is red. My walls are blue. I have a lamp and I have a night stand. My sheets are white and I have my own room with a club on the nightstand. [golf club, a gift]. I have a window and I see a owl hoo-hoo. My carpet is blue.

March 14, Second Hour

I havc polkadots on my sheets. I feel good at night when I sleep. My night light glows with red, green, and yellow. Cinderella curtains and I have Hello Kitty radio. Sometimes my baby sister comes in my room when she is scared. I have a Bratz poster in my room. I have a DVD player. When I look out my window I [see] trees bushes and people coming out of cars.

Guess where I sleep? I’ll give you a clue it’s somewhere in a house it’s rhymes with cledroom. Bedroom! Good guess! I have a Windy the Pooh Room and pillows and covers. I have Windy the Pooh closet and curtains I have some Windy the Pooh sunglasses and Windy the Pooh stickers on my windows and walls and I have a collection of Windy the Pooh stuff I don’t let anyone touch my stuff but my parent.

I sleep in my bed. My bed has a polka dote cover and I share my room with my brother. We have different beds, though. And different covers. I have two windows. I feel cozy in my bed. My brother has a sports cover. My bedroom is blue. My brother is in sixth grade and my curtains are blue and white. When I look out the window I see trees. My brother likes to eat cake. He likes to play his game boy. My mom is pretty, too.

I sleep in my bed. I have rainbow sheets on my bed. I don’t share my room with anybody. I have two drawers in my room. My windows are covered with plastic and I can’t see out of it. I have two toy boxes. When I go to sleep I am not scared.

I sleep in the basement and I have to share a bed with my big sister. I have a dresser that have clothes on it and sometimes I get scared because someone can bust through the basement door. It is very dark in there. When I feel scared and run upstairs and go in the bathroom.

–Inda

Superheroes ‘R Us

Uggg. I am just getting over a cold that has knocked me flat for two weeks, causing me to spend all of last week home in bed, without going to work. I know a lot of the kids and teachers have fallen prey as well. But I am finally back up and around and working on more superhero lessons.

The kids (all grades) have continued to work on their short stories. Each group is in a slightly different place, and I am stressing a different part of the process with each class. The sixth and seventh graders I see on Thursdays are working on short stories about characters they created (many modeled after people they know). It’s a tough process for them to capture a character that could exist in the real world (ie, not a fantastical or mythical creature or a superhero).

We spent the last time we met working on dialogue. I taught them several rules of dialogue (grammar and usage) and then we worked through some practice exercises, which oddly, they seemed to really like. The sixth graders had been learning about quotation marks with Ms. Tyson before she took leave, and they seemed interested to get back to it. The seventh graders knew most of it, but said they liked the practice.

I’ve learned over the years that when working on short stories and having the kids draft that it’s a good time to throw in small grammar lessons that might help them with the actual writing of their stories. They then see the relevance and seem much more likely to pay attention because of context. It also breaks the time apart. If I have them draft for 45 minutes, their attention would wane 10 minutes in. With the 4th and 5th graders, I have been asking them to write warm-ups the first half of class– answering questions about heroes, leaders, values, etc.

Here are some examples:

[an excerpt from B.L.'s story-- the conflict (6th grade)]

When Lil LLoyd finally stopped it was 10 miles after the policeman started chasing him. What made it really bad was that he had left his license at home.

[With this group, before they could draft, they had to brainstorm possible conflicts for their characters, ways to solve the conflicts, and then resolutions for their characters. I think this is a pretty succinctly stated conflict.]

[B.B.'s superhero description (5th grade)]

My superhero’s name is Blaze. His costume is blue and white with a little cape. Blaze has two guns and a shoutgun and sharp boomerang. Blaze transportation is a blue, red, white motorcycle. My super arch enemy is Mr. FourArms. Mr. FourArms is Blaze cause Blaze girlfriend like FourArm. My superhero power arm stiff shaping power and superspeed and invisible and lightning. My superhero got his power cause he was born with it. My superhero decided to be good cause when he was a young boy he saw someone robbing the bank.

[There are some obvious grammar issues, but this is a fairly complete description. He hit everything on his checklist in full sentences (which many did not). B.B. joined a few of my classes last year and barely ever finished anything. This is a huge gain one year later, and I can't help but think the topic got him involved. ]

[from S.T.'s definition of a superhero, written as part of brainstorming (4th grade)]

A superhero is some person that help people and self [save] people life. A superhero is so strong. I like superhero because they fun and help people. I like superhero because they self [save] people and I like when someone self [save] someone.

The seventh graders have some great short stories, but I am going to save those until they are finished. They all wrote them very quickly and said they were done. I asked questions about them and knew they had written quick incomplete drafts. I read them, edited them, made comments and suggestions and asked them to re-draft, which they are still working on. To my delight, they seemed to take the comments in earnest and seem much more serious now. Before I handed back their drafts, I explained to them how I professionally edit manuscripts and that I worked through theirs the same way, hoping it might change how they thought about it. Many of them have very good ideas, they just need to be fleshed out a bit more. It;s quite a step to go from elementary school short stories to more mature, young adult writing. Here, in their stories, again, most wrote about characters like themselves or like people they know. There seems to be a lot of projection of their lives, fears, and thoughts onto their characters, which I think is very cool, hopefully to open up some new doors for them while writing.

We will try to finish all the stories up this week, and the younger kids, when finished, will illustrate the cover of their stories (a comic book superhero I had a friend draw for them to color and use). And then spring break and MAP, so it’ll be a few weeks before I am back with them (early April).

-Allison

Third Grade — February 27: Sensei Cloud Reflections

Tuesday I saw only the third graders on account of a special Black History Program on Wednesday. We had a great day! Wendy Saul joined me for a visit. The day with both groups was spent thinking, talking, and writing about Sensei Cloud’s visit last week. With the first hour kids I began by leading a discussion about the previous week – what did they remember? We told stories, triggered memories, and shared the experience with A.P. (who had been absent), and with Wendy. Then they drafted thank-you notes to Mr. Cloud for his visit. There was a little bit more disruption and lack of focus than usually. D and T, especially. Most impressive in the first hour was the letter from A.Pr:

“The best part was when [he] told us about each other blood steem in are hands. If someone put there hand around you can put your knuckle in there hand and make it heart [hurt]. And don’t lat no one stek [sneak] upon you. And be awear of your environment. Some one tuck his fishing pool and he went home and his dad wop’d him. Mr. Cloud told use about some weapens and the weapons where [were] nunchucs and suye’s and suye’s wher used for to block nunchuks where to beat rice back in japines. [Japan] And his friend in [and] him had to go to veatnom [Vietnam] to fight in the arme because his grade level drop to twie five [?] because he was haging out with his friends and he saw some peopole blone up and I liked Mr. Could [Cloud] I you come sone [soon]. Thank you Mr. Could. And I’m sory what happen to your mother and father.

Also RB:

Mr. Cloud I just want to thank you for coming to our writing class because I like when you taught us how to walk away when a person wants to fight with you so I just wanted to thank you for coming and I just want to say I’m so sorry about the story you told us about your parents.
Sincerely,
Your friend
RB

The second hour kids began right off the bat with writing as much as they could remember BEFORE any oral reminders and triggers. This is a group with a higher level of achievement and I wanted to see what they had retained on their own. So they wrote paragraphs first, then thank you notes, then entered in their journals.
Mr. Cloud’s story about his friend who leaped off the roof appeared in nearly every single child’s work. Amazing work, here. Especially SA, TW, PJ, DW.
DW who wound up with a bleeding tooth and had to leave for the nurse, actually made a perfectly composed paragraph with numbered points:

When we first got up here he told us his name was Mr. Cloud. First he told us a story about when he was in the army in Vietnam he said one of his friends were blew up. Second he taught us how to hold up a fist. TYhird he said he went to Job Cour. Fourth then he said The best fight is know fight.

SA:

When Sensei Cloud was hear he told us a story about when he was in gangs and when he was very young he told us a story about when he used to do drugs and how drugs took one of his most best friends away. One day when Sensei Cloud was coming home from doing drugs he saw his friend up on a three story building and his friend was up there doing drugs and he told his friend to come down but his friend was high and his friend said I could fly and his friend jumped off from the top of the building and landed on his head then before his friend died he said Cloud I can’t fly. The End.

Notice how she wrote what she inferred to be the whole point or moral of the story in the topic sentence of this paragraph: Drugs took his best friend away. Then she begins the story itself, a perfectly narrated tale (although she had forgotten that this all happened in Vietnam during the war).

Here’s AW’s version:

Mr. Cloud Story

The karate teacher tode [told] us a story about his friend. His friend was standing on the roof of a school and hollered down to Mr. Cloud and said Heah [hey] Cloud I can fly, and he took a puff of marijuana and, jumped off the roof and landed in front of Mr. Cloud, and opened his eyes and said Cloud I can’t fly.

A totally Rashomon expeience! I and Wendy both were amazed that of all the tons and tons of stories and demonstrations that Mr. Cloud shared with us, all ten of these children retained this one piece well enough to re-tell. TW wrote a very long piece that included many other pieces of Mr. Cloud’s story, but here’s her version of the roof story:

…And he told us this man was on the roof and the man that was on the top of the roof said I can fly Mr Claude said get down the man was up there smoking and when he landed on his face and Mr. Claude went over there where the man was at and the man said I can’t fly…

From JR:

…He told us that his white friend was up on a roof doing drugs and he said he could fly and he jumped down and his bones was so broken his head was hanging and he said I can’t fly and died….

MW:

Sensei Cloud is a married man but before he got married he was a person that did drugs. Mr. Cloud told us that the last time he did drugs was when his friend was smoking and his friend got on top of a roof and called down to Mr. Cloud and said that he could fly then Mr. Cloud said get down from there man then his friend took one more sniff on that sigurate [cigarette] then he flew down and landed on his face. Then Mr. Cloud also said that the best kind of fight is no fight Mr. Cloud taught us how to get out of a fight and Mr. Cloud was one of the best teachers I ever had.

OK, so notice here, when you read all of these versions, how some of the children handle dialogue. It’s a complicated thing, reporting the speech as a narrator (ex: and then he said that he could fly) or reporting the speech in standard fiction writing technique (ex: and then he said I can fly). In the latter, of course, the kids don’t know how to punctuate with the comma and the quotation marks, but they clearly want to make use of this technique to render the action “live” or in scene. Others are simply retelling the story in their own words (the tip-off here, in MW’s example, is the use of that “that.”) I think this is an indication that they are ready to be instructed in the use of these punctuation techniques, and I will focus on this next week when we look at an actual piece of fiction and learn to highlight it.